Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Moan for me like Helen Keller
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
