No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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