Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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