piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
