I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
bring money and cleavage
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
