New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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