I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
