id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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