I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
