I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
