She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
