I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
