What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Randomize
