The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Randomize
