Nicole vs. Life
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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