He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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