Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
