just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
