I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
