Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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