It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
