i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
