At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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