you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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