just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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