Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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