So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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