ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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