when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
