I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
