i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Randomize
