Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Another day, another engagement, another cat
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
