i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
