let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
