Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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