I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
are you so shy because you have an std?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
