Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Just puked most of my soul out..
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
