where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize