I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You have to summon your inner elephant
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
