Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
