id be glad to
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
