Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
