Is it normal to miss your booty call?
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
