Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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