she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
