3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
