3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
