you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
