So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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