i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
