I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
