doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
