I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
