I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
