In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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