everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
