Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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