Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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