mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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