ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
