i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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