Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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