Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
