Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
