all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
