Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
