so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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