and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
