I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
