she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
