I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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