Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
