Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
