You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
