You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize