***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize