So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
