Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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