i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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