thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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