we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
